That Old Black Hole (Analee Marie)
by Jade Johanson
Summary: Cas deals with the aftereffects of becoming human. But this time, he's at the bunker where Dean can care for him. H/C, AU. Better than the summary (I think). T because it's Supernatural.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: *sigh* I am crazy. I am officially and totally, completely insane. "Write Doctor Who fanfiction" my sense says. "Write Supernatural fanfiction" my muse says. Guess who wins? Haha. Yeah. You guessed right. My stupid muse. Haha. Yep, I'm insane. Anyways, here it is. Obviously AU because Cas is human but IN THE BUNKER with HIS OWN ROOM as it SHOULD HAVE BEEN. Wow, I get kind of into this. Again, insane. Standard warnings, references of eating disorders and wounds and depression and all these things these characters seem to have. *sigh* I own nothing, so don't sue me. I just apparently like tormenting these characters, although this is quite a lot of comfort. I don't ship Destiel. Just FYI. Fic title is from "That Old Black Hole" by Dr. Dog. You should listen to it. It's a good song. It has been dubbed the "Crazy Cas song" by my good friend Jade. Meaningful but random. Yeah. This has the potential to be continued based on the response, so, I wouldn't normally ask, but REVIEW. Anyway, here we go...**

It had been nearly a week after the angels fell.

A week since Cas had stumbled into the bunker, weary and utterly broken, collapsing shivering on the doorstep.

A week since Dean knew that Cas was human.

And within that week Cas has neither eaten nor slept, only sipping morosely at the water that was forced into him at Dean's insistence.

And Dean had had enough.

So when Sam had gone out on a supply run, Dean knocked softly on Cas' door.

"Go away," Cas' voice rasped weakly through the closed door.

"Like heck I will," Dean said.

Dean heard a groan through the door and approaching footsteps before Cas' haggard face appeared through a crack in the door.

God, the man looked awful.

Dark circles rimmed the underside of his eyes, and his hair was sticking up in every which way.

His clothes practically hung off his unhealthily thin frame, and a thin sheen of sweat covered his forehead.

"Yes, Dean?" Cas grumbled irritably.

Anger boiled up in Dean at the sight of his friend, his _family's_ flippant attitude towards his own wellbeing.

"We need to talk," Dean said gruffly, trying to contain his anger and barely succeeding.

"About what, Dean?" Cas practically scoffed.

"About this!" Dean exploded, "Cas, you're practically a skeleton, you're going to start freakin' _hallucinating_ soon if you don't stop with this whole not eating or sleeping gig, and you haven't said a word to me this whole week beside refusing food. Talk to me man!"

Cas looked slightly edgy, before all of a sudden jerking away like he was about to fly off, out of the situation, but gasping in pain suddenly and collapsing to the floor.

Dean grabbed his arms and slowly lowered him to the floor.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cas, slow down bud," Dean said as Cas' breathing became more ragged and his eyelids fluttered, "You're not an angel anymore. Tell me where it hurts."

"My-my wings," Cas murmured between gasping breaths. "I reached for them and I just felt emptiness, Dean. And it hurts."

"Easy, easy," Dean murmured as Cas sobbed into his chest, bringing him to the floor as Cas gripped his jacket like a lifeline.

Dean slowly rubbed circles into the ex-angel's back as he sobbed.

When the man's shoulders stopped shaking gradually, and he drew back a bit, sniffling and wiping his eyes, Dean withdrew his hands slowly and looked Cas in the eyes.

"You good?" he asked softly, as if trying not to startle him.

Cas nodded wearily.

"Now you want to tell me what's wrong?" Dean questioned, still in a soft voice but with a stern edge to it that presented it as more of an order than a question.

Cas took a deep, shaky breath.

"When Metatron took my wings, it- left wounds in my back. I bandaged them as best as I could, but- there are still scars. And I can't move my back without pain anymore, without the reminder of what I did. That everything's my fault."

Cas' deep blue eyes bored into Dean's green ones, pleading, helpless, _human_.

"No, Cas," Dean replied determinedly, "None of this is your fault. And we're going to fix it. But we can't fix it unless you help me. We need you Cas, me and Sam need you. And if you don't take care of yourself, you're worse than useless to us. And I can't stand by and watch one of my family members tear themselves apart over something they couldn't control. Please, Cas. Please do this. For me."

Dean's eyes stared back, equally pleading, but determined, and Cas hesitated before nodding resolutely.

Dean smiled, pulling Cas into a hug.

"Come on. Let's get you something to eat and let me take a look at your back. And then a shower, because dude, you stink."

Cas smiled slightly, and Dean knew that maybe, just maybe, he could put this family back together again.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Okay I decided to continue and I have a third chapter on the way so yay you probably won't have to wait that long if you actually read this crap. Warnings for descriptions of wounds. Also, if you are wondering why I am not using actual curse words- I don't curse, and thus feel weird doing it in my writing. Just a personal thing. What I do though, is when I'm reading my writing (since I HATE too out of character stuff if I can help it) is actually use the curse word in my head. It helps, shush, it may not work for you, and you can be mad for ruining the characters for you, but yeah. Sorry! Just wanted to put that out there. I own nothing. I don't have a better disclaimer than that.**

After ensuring that Cas FULLY finished his PB&J sandwich (and promising him that there would be better food once Sam got back from his supply run; like pie; and more pie), Dean escorted Cas back to his room.

"Okay," Dean ordered bluntly, "Shirt off."

Cas tilted his head in that adorable way of his. "I do not see why that is necessary Dean."

Dean sighed.

"I promised I'd take a look at your back, and I'm going to. Shirt off."

Cas grumbled a bit, but complied, slowly taking off his trenchcoat and unbuttoning his shirt.

Dean made a mental note to buy him some new clothes, but all such thoughts were wiped out of his brain at the sight of Cas' back.

"Crap, Cas," he breathed.

A brownish scab had settled over the majority of two once-gaping wounds in Cas' back. It was cracked in places, with bits of red infected flesh peeling off at intervals.

Dean took a deep, steadying breath before turning to Cas.

"These are scars, huh?"

Cas just staring down at his dress shoes, not answering.

"Cas, this will need serious treatment. Not to mention it's infected. Cleaning this sucker's not gonna be pretty, much less painless."

Cas continued staring at his shoes.

Dean sighed, putting a hand on Cas' shoulder.

"I'm not mad," Dean clarified, at the kicked-puppy look on Cas' face, "Just- tell me next time instead of dumbing things down, all right?"

Cas nodded mutely.

Dean smiled slightly.

"Right, let's get you cleaned up," he said, heading into the closet to get some first aid supplies.

"Dang, we're running low. Sorry Cas, you'll have to wait until Sam comes back with the supplies. I'll have to call him."

"It is not a problem, Dean. I didn't require assistance anyway."

Dean sighed exasperatedly at Cas' comment, but dialed Sam's number and didn't say anything.

"Hey Sammy," Dean started, "Can you get some peroxide, some alcohol, and gauze while you're there?"

"What happened? Are you okay? Is Cas okay?" Sam started questioning rapid fire.

"Yeah, I'm fine, and Cas is-" Dean glanced over at Cas who was giving him what could only be described as a death glare, "Um, well we'll get to that when you come home."

"Okay…" Sam answered hesitantly, wanting to ask more but deciding against it at Dean's tone, "Anything else you need?"

"Pie," Dean said, "And don't forget it like you did last time."

Sam sighed.

"You're going to corrupt Cas with your bad habits."

"It's PIE, Sam. You can't be human without PIE."

"Okay, okay," Sam grumbled, "I won't forget the pie."

Dean smiled, "That's the spirit."

Sam just groaned and hung up.

Dean turned to Cas again, who was struggling back into his button down, looking like he was trying to hide winces every time the coarse material of the shirt rubbed against his back in the wrong way.

"Whoa, Cas you don't have to put that back on. I'll get you one of my shirts. A dress shirt is not very conductive to healing wounds, and plus you look like you're about the pass out just putting your freakin' shirt back on."

"I'm fine Dean," Cas muttered determinedly through gritted teeth.

"Sure you are," Dean scoffed. "I'll go get some old clothes of mine, and you go take a shower. Make sure not to rub on your wounds too much though. Can you handle that?"

"Of course I can Dean, I do know something of human life."

"Right," Dean said, suddenly feeling a bit awkward at his protective nature. "Um, I'll be back in a bit."

When Cas came out in Dean's Metallica t-shirt and sweatpants, Dean stifled a laugh.

The shirt practically hung off his too-thin frame, and the sweatpants were all but falling off.

Cas looked morosely down at his too-big outfit and said, "I believe I shall need different clothes."

Dean smiled, saying, "Yeah, we'll take care of that," then added, more seriously, "But dude, you need to eat more. One PB&J per week ain't gonna cut it. I don't think I like the anorexia look."

Cas sighed and seemed to even _roll his eyes_ a bit at Dean's choice of words, but did not comment otherwise.

They sat in relative silence until Sam's hesitant voice could be heard tentatively calling through the bunker, "Dean? Cas?"

Cas gave Dean a look that plainly said _please don't bring him into this_ , and god, his puppy dog eyes could rival Sam's at their best, but Dean knew he couldn't put his family back together again unless what affected one was shared by all of them, so he firmly shook his head.

"Cas, we can't help you unless we ALL know what's going on. And I mean ALL. You're here now Cas, you're family. And I'll be darned if I let you fall."

"I have already fallen, Dean," Cas answered, "How is it possible to fall further?"

And the _look_ on his face, the utter _brokenness_ in his voice. Dean silently cursed himself for his choice of words and lack of tact.

Dean sighed. "We're in Cas' room, Sam. Come on up with the supplies," he called down wearily.

A few tense moments of silence later, Sam appeared at the door of the room, supplies in hand and a worried look on his face.

He looked from Cas to Dean and back again, observing Cas' wet hair and changed clothes, and Dean's worried but stern expression.

"Whenever you want to fill me in, feel free," Sam prodded.

Dean pointedly looked at Cas, and Cas pointedly looked down at the floor.

Sam sighed exasperatedly.

"You know, sometimes I wonder who's more stubborn between the two of you."

Dean took a deep breath before mumbling, "You might as well show him sooner rather than later, Cas."

Cas reluctantly began stripping his shirt off, trying to hide his grimace at the pain.

When his back was showing and Sam saw the wounds, all he could say was, "Oh."

Then he began to take control of the situation.

"Dean, get some cotton balls from the first aid kit. It's infected, so we'll need to clean it out first with peroxide then disinfect the infected areas with alcohol, see if we can get the inflammation down. Then it's just hope there are no complications, though with an infection like that, I'd be surprised if there aren't," he ended grimly.

While Dean was rummaging in the closet, Sam had a chance to really examine the wounds.

The infection looked a few days old at the very least, perhaps more.

Dried blood and half crusted over scabs covered the majority of the wound, like it hadn't been cleaned or looked at in a while.

Sam internally grimaced.

The guy was lucky not to be delirious by this time, and Sam wasn't sure if that was going to be avoided in the near future.

And when Cas actually got some sleep, who knew what the nightmares would do to him; not to mention his wounds.

Sam's heart went out to the new human before him.

Dean came back shortly with the cotton balls and a few towels for good measure, and Sam turned to Cas.

"Okay, lie on your stomach and try to relax if you can. It's gonna sting a bit."

Sam began to pour the hydrogen peroxide, first over one wound, then the next.

Cas tried to suppress the moans fighting to escape from his mouth, but he gave a few small, pitiful whimpers that broke Sam's heart and caused Dean to have to turn away for a moment to hide his emotion.

Sam cut off the flow and turned to Dean.

"Dean, can you gently clean around the wound with towels?"

Dean hesitantly kneeled down next to a whimpering Cas.

"I know it hurts, buddy, just hang in there with me," Dean said, beginning to gently wipe away the dried blood.

Sam began to put alcohol on the cotton balls and handed them to Dean in an attempt to clear away the infection.

As soon as the cool alcohol hit Cas' skin, he moaned deeply.

Dean hid a grimace of sympathy.

"Welcome to humanity," Dean said.

Cas remained silent, concentrating on regulating his breathing.

After a few moments, Dean sat back on his heels.

"Now I think we just have to bandage it, what you think Sammy?"

Sam nodded, handing over some gauze and a roll of bandages.

"Cas, can you sit up?" Dean asked slightly worriedly.

"'Course," Cas mumbled, but didn't moved.

"Cas?" Dean tried again.

A pause, then, "Hurts," Cas mumbled defeatedly.

Dean sighed.

He looked at Cas' back, helpless.

"Sammy, support his shoulders while I turn him over so he doesn't hurt his back more."

As Sam moved into position, Dean added, "Dang it, Cas, what the heck were you thinking when you let it get this bad?"

Cas just glared.

"Okay, on three," Dean said, "One, two, three."

Dean gingerly put his arms under Cas and flipped him onto his back while Sam made sure his wounds didn't touch any part of the bed.

Still, Cas was breathing heavily and looked pale from exertion by the time he was sitting up.

"Okay, okay," Dean muttered. "Let's get this done."

He had Sam hold the gauze on while he wrapped the bandages around Cas' chest.

Once that was done, he looked at Cas.

"I'll let you sleep now. But if you need anything, you know-" he finished, looking down embarrassed.

Cas nodded, putting Dean's shirt back on and lying on his side.

"Night Cas," Sam said quietly as they went out of the room, turning the lights off and closing the door once more on the newest edition to their (broken) family.

 **AN: Okay, hope you liked it! Sorry if Sam's a little out of character, or any of the rest of them for that matter, I have limited knowledge! Also the medical stuff... you know. I'm not a doctor. You use peroxide to clean normal wounds, and also alcohol to clean wounds out. There's not much they could do with Cas without a doctor also; I tried looking up how to clean infected wounds but it pretty much just said you need to see a doctor. Very helpful. Suppose they just don't want everyone in the world to be trying to treat their own wounds when it needs other treatment. Good for people, not good for FanFiction writers. Yeah, hope you enjoyed, please leave a review! Constructive criticism is welcome though if you want to bash my story um I'm not sure what to say because I didn't think it was that bad but I suppose... Yeah. Bye!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: *hangs head in shame* So hi guys! I'm back. Sorry for the wait; a special apology to bentdogwood32 whom I told that I would have the third chapter pretty soon, but sorry to all of you because, well, you had to wait. Anyway, here's the third chapter. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Dean ran his hand down his face.

Sam looked at him, concerned.

"You alright?" Sam finally asked.

"Fine," Dean mumbled, stalking down the hall.

A minute later Sam heard the rumbling of the Impala's engine outside and the faint sound of music being played.

Sam shook his head and returned to the bunker kitchen to do some more research.

Sam had just started up his computer and was staring blankly at the screen, not really feeling in the mood to do something when one of his brothers was out drinking his life away while blasting Metallica or some other rock nonsense and the other was lying upstairs in unimaginable pain.

A guy could only do so much.

A moan broke through his conflicted thoughts, coming from upstairs in Cas' room.

(God, the guy actually had a room. When had that happened.)

Sam sighed.

He supposed the brother in unimaginable pain was more important at the moment.

He considered calling Dean, but decided he would just be met with Dean's out of tune singing and he really didn't want to deal with that right now.

So upstairs it was.

Sam groaned.

He had never felt comfortable around Cas; after all, he was the abomination.

So it was with an apprehensive spirit that Sam tentatively knocked on Cas' door as the groans intensified.

When there was no response, Sam nudged open the door.

Cas was tangled in the covers in a way that looked in no way to be comfortable.

A sheen of sweat covered his entire body, even though he was shivering.

Apparently Cas was in a fever-induced nightmare.

Great.

Just what Sam needed to deal with WITHOUT Dean there.

But again, he forewent calling him because there was something in Sam that couldn't deny Dean his escape.

So he steeled himself and walked up to the bed.

"Cas," He called gently, grabbing the ex-angel's shoulders and shaking them slightly.

Castiel moaned one last time and his eyelids fluttered open.

His glaze was glassy, his shoulders tense.

"Dean?" Cas mumbled.

Sam smiled in sympathy.

"No, just the boy with the demon blood."

"Not- anymore," Cas gasped out, "You went past that a long time ago."

Sam's smile turned a little more genuine at that.

But he didn't have a chance to say anything more as Cas started coughing violently, clutching at his stomach in obvious pain.

"Hey," Sam soothed, helping Cas struggle into an upright position while the coughing ran itself out.

Sam gradually began to massage Cas' shoulders, marveling at how tense they were.

"That feels- nice," Cas admitted.

Sam smiled at the praise.

"I got used to it with Dean."

At Cas's confused head tilt, he continued, "A long time ago, when everything wasn't so screwed up and we actually used to have a brief respite between hunts, I would do this for Dean when he couldn't sleep after an adrenaline high. Apparently helped. He was snoring within minutes," Sam smiled slightly at the memory, then he went more sober. "Of course he'd never let me do it now. I've messed everything up since then."

Cas said nothing.

Apparently him and Dean were similar in that way also; both asleep within minutes.

Sam gently laid Cas on his side, pulling a blanket gently over him.

Sam felt Cas' forehead and noticed it was hot, so he wet some cloths and placed them on his forehead, then settled in a chair beside the bed.

Dean, coming in hours later to check in one them, found both snoring pleasantly.

He smiled and left, leaving them to get some rest himself.

They may not be out of the water just yet, but at least his brothers were safe.

And that's what mattered.

* * *

 **AN: Okay I realize that Sam SHOULD be over his whole "I'm an abomination" by this point, as my good friend Jade pointed out. But I mean, he just went through the trials and never completed them and you know he did kind of want to die in that last scene... So he's kind of emotional currently, and he might be tentative to whether or not Cas still thinks of him that way. So yeah. Take it or leave it, like it or not, it's there, and it's AU so...**

 **Anyway please leave a review. They make my day.**


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